Getting ready to leave this country is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s the first time I’ve had to gear up towards permanently saying goodbye to people that I’ve grown to love. Sometimes I wish that I could just wake up back at home skipping over the goodbyes and plane rides, plunging back into my old life…tucking away my souvenirs and pictures in a closet somewhere and carrying on as though I was the same person I was before I left. .. sounds really healthy huh!
Its funny but I worry both about how easy and how difficult it will be to slip into my old routine. Someone who spent a bit of time over here told me that the first time she walked into a grocery store back home she totally froze and just stared at the variety of everything that was available. I want to be able to cope a bit better than that, but I also don’t want to be able to walk into a grocery store and grab whatever it is I need, not stopping to be thankful for the luxury of being able to do this. Although I’m feeing a bit muddled right now, I know I have a tendency to worry, and know that sometimes I just need to keep going and find out how everything will turn out instead stressing out about it. I really am looking forward to stepping off the plane and being back in Canada…its just that I wish Rwanda wasn’t quite so far away.
These past few weeks have been amazing. I’ve finally finished typing up the transcripts of all of the interviews I’ve conducted and was pleased to hear that instead of starting new women’s groups, my NGO is planning on spending more of its time supporting the groups that it has already formed. This is excellent news because it means that some of the hopes these women have for their futures may be realized, and that some of their hardships might be lessened. It also means that the info I collected on each group is more likely to be used, a huge unknown in this line of work. If more time and resources are used to support these women in the short run, they will be better able to support themselves and their children in the long run. I have to admit that reading back through these interview transcripts has been emotionally draining. As I once again read over their words, I once can’t help but relive some of the despair I experienced early on during my time here. I’ll never fully understand the burden of not having enough money to feed my children or send them to school and I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to deal with these difficulties without the support of a husband, especially while trying to suppress the images of murder and feelings of terror experienced by most of my interviewees during the Genocide. I try to balance out my time in front of the computer with lots of good times away from it in order to stay sane!
Yesterday, I taught my last English class at Sisters of Rwanda. The two other girls that have also been teaching at the centre over the past few months are also leaving within the next month. We really need to find replacement teachers so that the students can keep learning. I brought along my new American neighbor, explaining to him that as he is teaching English somewhere else, he might like to see the way it is taught at a different centre…it couldn’t have been a more perfect set up! When my students realized that I would be leaving, they asked who would fill my place. I told them I didn’t know and that I hoped someone would be able to quickly. …the American has gone for the bait and will hopefully begin teaching when I leave! My students all want me to pass on a shout out to the Canadians I know, especially my mom and dad and brother…so consider your selves warmly greeted.
Even as my time here is wrapping up, I am still experiencing new things. I attended my first Rwandese wedding, which was amazing, and also attended a reception at the Canadian consulate’s house! I’m starting to look forward to seeing all the snow I keep hearing about in emails from home, but for now, I’m more than happy to fight of the heat in a skirt and tank top for a few more weeks as I travel to Kenya... and will then have to throw on a coat for my time in Amsterdam.
